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Today has already been a very interesting day. A roller coaster of emotions. And it’s only 11:30am.
The hubby and I got home from our trip to Denver last night. What a great time. Denver is such a cool city. I will be blogging away about it this week. But for now, back to reality.
My daughter was grounded from her phones for a week because she got a detention for talking too much in class. Not a massive deal, but we still wanted to apply consequences to her actions. You know, like responsible parents do.
Let me quickly interject before we get too far into this story that she has two phones, simply because she accidentally walked into the ocean in Playa del Carmen with her iPhone and I refuse to purchase a new one. Absolutely refuse. So, she has my old Samsung phone that still works and she has an iPhone with no data plan that she can text her friends on, only when she has Wifi access. Why she does that, I’m not sure. Are you following? I think she is embarrassed by the OLD Samsung phone, so she chooses to carry the iPhone that is not fully functional because it looks cooler. And kids her age freaking love their iPhones. It’s a status symbol to them. Ughhhh.
Anywhoo, today was the day she anticipated getting her phone back, but I thought it was supposed to be tomorrow, so I gave her the Samsung so she can call/text me if needed. She had been counting the days until she got her iPhone back, and was therefore disappointed when that didn’t happen. That set the course for her “mood” this morning, which directly affected my mood. I don’t understand why I let that happen time and time again. But I do, and it does. However, I usually catch it pretty quickly and try to put a positive spin on whatever the details are of that situation, and turn it in to a teaching moment, if I can. Again, it’s that responsible parent thing.
So, we go into the discussion about how she has been without her phone for a week now and she is still breathing. The world did NOT come to an end, and everything is going to be okay. She has a phone in her possession that she can utilize to communicate with me, my husband, her siblings and anyone else she chooses. No, it’s not an iPhone. But you had a brand new iPhone that you took for a swim in the ocean. And you got in trouble for talking in class. So, no. I’m not going to give you the phone you want. Be thankful for the phone that you have. It works. And I could take both phones and disconnect your line. But I’m not doing that…yet. So, choose your attitude and how you respond.
The above paragraph is quick recap of the back-and-forth banter from the car ride to school this morning. And that leads me into the next set of roller coaster emotions I experienced. I know her getting out of the car when things are heated between the two of us is not good…for either one of us. However, she has to go into a classroom setting and focus on school work, while I can come home and cry it out. And I did.
Did I mention this is my baby with dyslexia and ADHD? Yeah.
It wasn’t too long before I get several text messages from her telling me she’s having a hard time in 1st period and needs help. So, I try to talk her through it and help her think through her options. After several messages, it got to the point where I called her counselor to pull her from class because I thought the interaction between her and the teacher was going to escalate to a bad place where she would get in trouble.
And then this happens. Pay attention, because it’s quick…and powerful.
She texts me “I can’t do this anymore”. These words are trigger words in my head, so I call the school counselor to see if someone can check on her. Continued several minutes later…
Me – “I called the counselor to come and get you out of class for a few minutes”.
Her – “It’s okay mom. I am okay now.”.
Me – “What changed? You said you couldn’t do this anymore, and now you are okay?”
Her – “I changed my mindset. I’m good now.”.
Me…mind blown and heart overjoyed. That simple text message changed the course of my morning too! Because she chose to change her mind in the moment of friction, she was able to remain in her classroom successfully and move on with her day. And because of her, I changed my mindset too!
So simple, and yet so powerful.
I truly applaud her for that decision. Once again, it shows me that our kids DO listen to us, even when it feels as though the ignore or rebel against every single thing we try to teach them. I am always trying to teach my kids the power of the mind and how our thoughts can determine our direction. She gets it. Be still my heart.
Today, I am 100% sure that this morning’s happenings were just as much a learning lesson for me as they were for my daughter. Maybe more. Even though I cried this morning and felt like giving up, felt like a failure as a mom, felt like I have no way to help my daughter in those tough moments…this happened. I believe that the light at the end of the tunnel IS brighter than the darkness of some moments we face. And I truly believe we can learn from those moments if we choose.
Lesson learned…for now. 😉